Getting Away With Murder For Dummies
by da punked-out gym bunny
Summary: Fuujin and Quistis team up to get Rinoa for interfering with Squall and Seifer. Quick read, complete, and one of the few things starring Fujin and definitely a rare 'friendship' combo.
1.

  
  


**Getting Away With Murder For Dummies**

  
  
Soliloquy Addams-- I know some people are unhappy about an "anti-Rinoa" fic. I don't have anything against her, and respect her for who she is- it shows in "Tag" and elsewhere. But others who are *also* my friends feel a *lot* differently! Rinoa's happiness and getting what she wants comes at their expense.   
  
This one is for the Avatars ... "the one and only Instructor Trepe" who got me started in rp (never forgotten!), Squall-mun the shonen-ai-kami, and especially the "Pandemonium's mistress".   
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
**Dedicated to everyone's favorite bundle of rage in one small package. ::bows, leaves offering, etc::**   
  
In one of the second floor lecture rooms Instructor Trepe found a book left behind. It had a schoolbus-yellow cover and read "Getting Away With Murder For Dummies". Oh, so they make this one now? Apparently.   
  
She opened the cover to check if a student had written a name inside and found instead oodles of cartoon panels added in. Good goddess, these were demented! And these stick figures were dressed like Rinoa. Cliffs and falling seemed to be a popular theme.   
  
There seemed to be serious notes put in as well. "Rockclimbing... invite" was crossed out with "need alibi" jotted beneath. She looked at all the comics and skimmed the actual text, and when her legs got tired Quistis absently pulled out a chair from one of the student stations without taking her eyes off the book.   
  
She jumped out of her skin sometime later to find she wasn't alone. Someone had walked in like a spectre without word or footsteps making a sound - - Fuujin. The smaller woman was on the steps a few feet away looking down at her, and this loathing stare right now was fearsome enough to give anyone a shock. Quistis fidgeted under the accusation and wondered why did the woman have to keep staring without saying anything??   
  
Finally, she did. "BOOK, MINE."   
  
"I was only reading it to see who it belonged to!"   
  
"THIRTY MINUTES? GIGGLING?"   
  
"Umm..." Hey, teachers were supposed to outrank the Disciplinary Committee, weren't they? So act like it! The fact that the trio were adept at making someone's life a living hell if they chose was no reason to bite your tongue.... "I suppose the first instruction in here should have been not to leave this lying around," Quistis said smugly, trying to gain superiority.   
  
"VOODOO DOLL."   
  
"Yipes!" The instructor gave a guilty twitch. "So you found that, huh? Can't someone take up a hobby without it being your business?! I'm not surprised, what with..." And she began a tirade about the Disciplinary Committee snooping and having eyes and ears all over the school.   
  
"THROUGH?"   
  
"Looks that way," she admitted sheepishly.   
  
They looked at each other. Eventually Fuujin's gaze deliberately lowered to one of her drawings. It was sweet bedtime reading for any child - - assuming the child liked horrible monsters chomping on people.   
  
"So... what do we do now?"   
  
"TEAMWORK?"   



	2. 

  
  
Quistis perked up and began flipping through the pages to pick out scenarios.   
  
Fuujin only cleared her throat to hold the woman's attention for a minute, then cocked her head in a beckoning gesture and headed for the door. The point was obvious; in this school if you sneeze in the Library someone from the Quad says gazundtiet (sp?) a minute later. She walked all the way to the elevator and then to the first floor dorms. Quistis tagged along, and the two made the trip in silence.   
  
It took some getting used to, being in someone's company without filling the air with chatter, but soon she felt no particular obligation to speak idly either.   
  
One could always tell which section was the posse's because the inevitable fights took their toll not only on student bodies but on doors, wall panels, light fixtures, you name it....   
  
Fuujin went inside one room and threw Raijin out. When he complained with other plans in mind she *threw* him out. Quistis hastily backed a few steps out of the way. "MOUTH, SHUT."   
  
The 'god' winked. "Oh. You need me to leave so you can plan a crime or something without me as a witness, so just in case I get questioned I can't accidently slip any information to the investigators and if they put me on the stand I'll have 'credible deniability'. Fine with me but you coulda just said so before pushing me first, y'know?"   
  
Quistis was stunned. "That's the most intelligent thing I've ever heard you say. When we're done I'll make sure you get extra credit for paying attention in the Subterfuge Class."   
  
Fuujin rolled her eye, kept her comments to herself on that one and pulled the woman inside.   
  
How had the duo managed to arrange the only coed dorm on campus? Probably because everyone else was too scared to share that dubious honor with either one of them.   
  
In their dormitory, it was pretty easy to tell which part was whose. Hers was tidy with a few important things laid out; his wasn't bad but looked like he could open his own flea market booth.   
  
When some of his books sprawled towards her area, she nonchallantly kicked them fluttering end over end back to his side where they landed on disarrayed pages and spines. Then Fuujin calmly took a seat by the desk as if this was nothing out of the ordinary.   
  
Quistis gingerly perched on the bed. And when they put these two heads together...   



	3. 

  
  
Only a week later...   
  
The two were in the instructor's room this time, and Quistis was poring over a message from administration. "Oh... that's terrible... We had no idea Rinoa was allergic to Badamb Fish.... Or that the facial moisturizer sent by a 'secret admirer' contained nerve toxins.... Or the car she requisitioned from the parking garage needed its brakes worked on.... Or that Angelo had rabies...."   
  
"SUCCESS." That grin was unholy.   
  
"I think the funeral will be closed casket," Quistis commented thoughtfully.   
  
The job was done. Squall wouldn't be stuck to the little blankety-blank who had swooped in after years of trying to coax him. Seifer wouldn't still pine away for the spoiled princess who was by no means good enough to be in his league.   
  
They headed off to those boys' rooms to claim victory. Squall's was the first stop along the way. Quistis knocked, waited for an answer, and tried the doorhandle. One peek inside and she slammed the door again and braced against it with a deep breath.   
  
In midstride, Fuujin turned with concern for the teen's expression of alarm.   
  
"Let's put it this way... if we both wanted to get our guys back... we'd have to hose them off first."   



	4. 

  
  
"WRONG!" The 'goddess' surged forwards in a fury but Quistis barred the way with her arms outstretched. The vengeful one managed to contain herself... barely. "KILL, POSTPONE," she begrudged.   
  
"I don't want to see either one of us lose," Quistis said quietly. Was there any way to get this sorted out without a grisly murder of either Seifer or Squall?   
  
Quistis wasn't bad. For an outsider. The posse, they were blood. No, make that thicker than blood. It would take as many years fighting back to back as the trio had spent for anyone else to reach that point. Fuujin could overlook the instructor's previous slights against Seifer in the past considering she'd needed to take action against him herself, and Trepe's new determined and gutsy side was admirable. At least it had been a nice diversion doing something besides being "one of the guys" for a week.   
  
And the last week had been more fun than anything for the prodigy. The academy's program was hectic enough on all regular youths but the accelerated advancement had meant her social life - - well, what was one of those? But their late night 3 AM "What if" sessions had gotten downright hysterical, and Quistis wondered if she wanted to give that experience up.   
  
"Do we really need to get the boys back?"   
  
After a ten second consideration the answer came simultaneously. " 'AFFIRMATIVE'," they both sighed. Copying was allowed to slide by this once since she hadn't meant anything by it.   
  
"So... what's next?"   
  
They thought it over. And they looked at each other.   
  
"You're the D.C.... By any chance you wouldn't have a few pairs of handcuffs, would you?"   
  
After a much delayed reaction Fuujin looked a tad startled. "DECLINE."   
  
The other woman just laughed it off. "No, I was thinking time away somewhere nice would do you and Seifer a world of good. Say, a week or two alone in the FH hotel? Same for mine; guess I'll find out how much Squall likes Dollet's.   
  
--Do you think they make Kidnapping For Dummies?"   
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
Da author: That was it, that's the definite end! If there ever *would* be a story in which Fujin kidnaps... it would be a 'Saifuu' work written by someone better than me, lol.   
Whether you liked it or maybe not or wanna flame, just one word in post would make me happy. (Watch, all the Fujin fans *will* leave only one word or two...) ^_~   



End file.
